Developing greater appreciation for extended family

Families provide us each with the support, love, and association we need to raise our children and to get through some of the challenges we will face. In America, most families live in a nuclear family, which refers to just the parents and children. However, their extended family members play a large role in their lives and in the lives of their children.
Extended family members are generally built around the bond of marriage. There is normally a set of grandparents, parents, and children. Sometimes there are multiple generations, branching out to great-grandparents and even great-great-grandparents. Extended family is brought together by these grandparents and their commitment to raising children. Siblings must have respect, trust, loyalty, and love for one another as it will be their responsibility to keep the family in-tact as older generations pass on.

There are many benefits to extended family members. Many of them are simply there to offer words of encouragement, advice, and support. Others can help with other challenges like the frustration of looking for a new job or a place to live. Several researchers have found that the role of grandparents is particularly important when it comes to raising children. Grandparents can offer wisdom and encouragement to young parents and they can help the parents when they need a break from the challenges of being new parents.
Many people have found that leaving their extended family and moving to a different city, state, or country can leave them with a sense of loneliness and isolation. Results like this show that people are at their happiest when they have the option of being close to their extended family.
A strong extended family will provide love and support. An extended family is made up of diverse people and practically everyone has their own "dysfunctional" family. The different personalities may make it difficult to develop deep relationships for one another; however they can help prepare you to deal with different types of people in the business world. While people may be different, you learn how to accept one anothers faults based on your common understanding for love and devotion to your family.
People that go through divorce, death, job loss, and other issues often turn to their extended family for support. These individuals tend to offer more support than just the nuclear family alone because they have multiple generations that can offer advice. All of these individuals also have their own network of contacts they can use to help you find a new job or help you with the problem you are dealing with.
When you are with your extended family, do not judge them. While this may be difficult for some, it is important to understand that you will be connected to these individuals for your entire life. Unlike friendships that can slowly dissipate over time, you will be in contact with these individuals for a long time. It is best to stay in harmony with them. If you place judgments on them, be careful because they may be doing the same to you. No one is perfect and no two people are exactly alike, which is what can make the extended family gatherings fun and frustrating at the same time.
Plan gatherings for your extended family so you can enrich one another and so you can teach your children the importance of family. When you attend these gatherings, make a good effort to be social with your relatives. Find something you have in common or stick to some of the recent news events. Although some of them may bother you, they are still your family and they deserve your love, respect, and support.

Getting along with classmates

School can often come with various challenges that you don't face in the workplace. People cut you off in the hallways, someone cheats off you during a test, or you are the victim of the football team's jokes. How can you get along with classmates, especially the ones that are really difficult? Here are some tips that may help:

Tip # 1 - Relax
If someone does something that bothers you or offends you, take a moment to relax and just breathe before you relax. Reacting on raw emotion can often make the situation worse. Take 3 deep breaths and count to ten while you breathe in and out, this will help to calm the nervous system and provide you with clarity before you react to something. Giving yourself time to think will also help you think about the consequences for your actions. This can help you make a good decision and avoid making the situation worse.

Tip # 2 - Exercise
One of the best ways to get along with others is to exercise. Exercise helps to release tension and this allows you to be a better friend because you have a positive mood. Exercise also boosts your self-esteem and self-confidence, both of which can help you survive the hallways of school. Take an exercise class at school and interact with your classmates during this time. This is a great way to get to know them better and you share a common interest which is to take good care of your physical body.

Tip # 3 - Talk
If you have issues with some of your classmates, talk to them about it. Discuss some ways you can make your relationship better. Perhaps you have a classmate that likes to cheat off you during tests, talk to this person about doing their own work or talk to the teacher about moving you to a different seat. When you confront the other person about their behavior, many of them will be willing to change to make your relationship better.
Tip # 4 - Listen
Almost every argument or disagreement in any relationship is caused from miscommunication and lack of listening. When your classmates are talking to you, make the time to actually listen to what they are saying. Give them your full attention by giving them eye contact, repeating some of the things they are saying, and avoiding distractions. When you actually make the time to listen to your classmates, you will draw closer to them and this could develop into a great friendship.
Tip # 5 - Make Changes
When it comes to getting along with your classmates, you may need to make a few changes to your personality. If you are having trouble getting along with others, determine what the roadblock is. Why are your classmates rejecting you? Do you have annoying habits that you can work on to make your relationship better? You don't have to completely change who you are, but you need to be open to change. If you are the friend that tends to hold everyone else back, stop being this friend and try branching out of your comfort zone.
Getting through the school years is tough for anyone. There is a lot of pressure to fit in and be socially accepted by your classmates. Be true to who you are and make friends with the people that you get along with. Give your classmates respect and expect the same from them in return. If there are situations that need attention from school administration make sure to bring those situations to their attention (like underage drinking or illegal substances at school.)

Making family gatherings fun for everyone

Family gatherings build memories and bring future joy to the family for many years in the future. Some people look forward to family gatherings with excitement while others look at them as something to be dreaded. Your attitude has a big factor on your ability to enjoy family gatherings. Instead of comparing the gathering to the last one that you didn't enjoy, look forward to it with excitement. Pre-determine that you are going to have a good time. If you don't make a determination to have a good time, you probably won't have a good time.
To make the family gatherings fun for everyone, have everyone suggest different activities or things to do. This is a great way to get everyone involved and it will help to build the relationships with some of the relatives that don't talk as much or are a little odd. You can learn a little bit about their personality and connect with them on some level. Suggest some things that you like to do and involve others in it. Perhaps you enjoy snowmobiling, bring it to the party and take some of your relatives for a ride. This is a fun way to enjoy the gathering because you get to do something you like and you get to share it with your loved ones.

Part of changing your attitude comes with your involvement in the family gathering. Do you offer to help? Do you play games with your relatives? How about just sitting around and talking with them? Get involved in the family gathering will help to build your improve your attitude and it will help you build relationships with your relatives.
Staying busy at a family gathering is a great way to enjoy it. Instead of focusing on the negative things like your embarrassing relatives, you will be able to focus on your task and on having fun.
Any type of family gathering can be difficult, especially if you are holding onto past grudges or frustrations with your family members. To make the family gatherings fun for everyone, let go of any personal judgments you have.
Avoid those family members that you clash with so that you don't get into an argument and ruin everyone Else's fun.
Change up the scenery of the family gathering. If you always go to Grandmas to get together, start rotating that with your homes or with some parks. Maybe try going to a family fun center where everyone can participate in different things like laser tag, rollerblading, ice skating, swimming, and rock climbing.
If you are one of those individuals that can only handle so much of their family, pick and choose which events you need to participate in. Just because everyone else is going to your parents for Sunday dinner doesn't mean you have to. Attending too many family events may stress you out and overwhelm you. To allow everyone to have a good time, skip the event and take care of yourself. When you have a little break from your family members, it will be easier to talk to them at the next party as you have more information to share.
Set up some tables for different events like card games, board games, etc. This is a great way to give people some options. Turn on a sporting event in a different room so some people can gather in there and enjoy themselves. Start a game of Pictionary with other relatives and just have fun together.
Finally, always make sure you have enough food and beverages to go around. Some people tend to be grazers and they need to eat every so often or they get a little grouchy. Having some food out will help them avoid their edgy behavior.

Simple ways to get along with your family

Everyone is part of a family, even if they don't want to be. Our family is responsible for helping to shape us into the person we are today. They deserve our love, respect, and appreciation even if they don't fully return it to us. This article will discuss some simple ways you can get along with your family.
First, start by learning to accept them for who they are. So maybe you have a sister that talks really loud and embarrasses you or a father that likes to read books while you are playing basketball, it doesn't matter, they are still your family and you need to love them for who they are. Make a list of their good qualities and some of the things that you have in common. When you are around them, strike up a conversation about these similar interests.

Second, be mindful of your behavior. You're not a child anymore so the days of teasing your little brother need to be behind you. Treat your siblings as your equals and respect them for the things they have accomplished in life. If you are going to a dinner or party with them, spend some time to determine how you want to behave. Make sure you think about your behavior before you react to things or you could easily start an argument with some of your relatives. Try to avoid some of the past unpleasant experiences in the family by contributing to a harmonious environment. To help create harmony, think about some of the topics that are okay to discuss.
For example, the recent NFL game is okay to discuss, however your cousin getting divorced is probably not the best dinner conversation. Be mindful of everyone in your family and be sensitive to their feelings. Asking your brother why he and his wife aren't pregnant yet is a little personal and it can be hurtful if they are struggling to get pregnant. Don't criticize them for their behavior and some of the habits they have like smoking or flakiness.

Third, respect others traditions. When you are invited back to your parent's home to share time with your family, be mindful of your parents rules. Maybe you don't go to church anymore but your parents are avid church goers, instead of making a fuss over praying, be respectful of their commitment to their religion and just shut your eyes for a minute. For many families, tradition is important. While it may bother you to eat the same meal every time you come home; think about your parents and your siblings that may actually enjoy this tradition.
Fourth, know your limits. Even though they are your family and you love them, know how much of them you can take. If you feel yourself getting frustrated with your brother's constant belittling or your mother's criticism, find some other things to do while you are there. Try changing the topic or excuse yourself for a few minutes so you can lock the door to a bedroom and just relax. If you have had enough family time, go home! It is better to leave a little early than to explode on someone on your family because you are frustrated, cranky, and tired.

Fifth, remember that this is your family. Don't compare them to everyone Else's families that you may think are "perfect." Truth is, no one's family is perfect, they are all dysfunctional in their own way. Learn how to love YOUR family and make steps to keep your relationship with them strong. In the end, they will be the people that help you through the good times and the bad times.

Bettye Late Than Never

R&B singer Bettye LaVette is a cult classic no more.

Posted // July 18,2007 - I’m holding on, baby,” says Bettye LaVette, the Great Lady of Soul, relaxing at her home in Detroit. She’s not just giving a casual, keep-on-keepin’-on reply; for some 45 years, LaVette has kept singing even when nobody seemed to be listening.

By virtue of her immense talent, LaVette should be spoken of with the same awe and reverence afforded other great ladies of soul—Aretha Franklin, Tina Turner. They came up at the same time, and LaVette’s commanding voice—a raspy, visceral force; the embodiment of soul and blues—arguably could drop the Queen of Soul and the Queen of Rock & Roll a few rungs down the ladder of rock regality. Tragically, LaVette’s career is stalled thanks to the clueless suits—proto-weasels to whom magic is a card trick, not a woman whose voice perforates the fabric of time.

LaVette started young, in her mid-teens, and in 1962 began releasing a string of singles including the Top 10 hit “My Man—He’s a Lovin’ Man” (later covered by Turner). She toured with Ben E. King, Otis Redding and James Brown, then in 1972 recorded her first album, Child of the Seventies. It was a victim of its own stylistic versatility. Although first and foremost a soul singer, LaVette moved nimbly between soul, blues, country, rock, and gospel, often in the same song. It freaked out A&R guy after A&R guy, each unwilling to spend their labels’ time or money on this seemingly all-over-the-map performer.

Child of the Seventies was made to languish on a shelf, but LaVette kept on. She spent six years on Broadway, starring with Cab Calloway in Bubbling Brown Sugar, and continued to cut singles until 1982 when Motown released Tell Me a Lie. More singles followed, but it would be 17 years before she released another album. The usually scrappy Great Lady of Soul began to wonder if it was time to hang up her mic.

“I gave up hope … all the time,” she says. “And then somebody would call, and I would do it again. It just wasn’t consistent enough for me to keep faith all the time. And when nobody would call, I would give up. And the older I got, the less they would call, and the more I gave up. [But ] every time I tried to quit, I couldn’t.”

She tried, too, convening an advisory board of “real true fans—somebody tell me to quit, make me stop before I sing again!” But her fan base, a small but perfectly formed cadre of music nerds from around the world, wouldn’t have it. They made car and house payments for their great lady and bought her outfits “for shows that paid nothing” just so she would be heard. “There has been a core group of people for the whole 45 years who’ve just done everything they could and never stopped believing in me,” she says. “Of course, many did stop—like I did—but there was always somebody saying, ‘Go!’”

In 1999, French music collector Gilles Petard licensed Child of the Seventies from Atlantic Records and released it as Souvenirs. Here, finally, LaVette began to get her due. Dutch label Munich Records released the live Let Me Down Easy in Concert in 2001, then Blues Express put out A Woman Like Me in 2003, for which LaVette received a W.C. Handy Award. Finally, Epitaph Records subsidiary Anti paired LaVette with singer-songwriter/producer Joe Henry for I’ve Got My Own Hell to Raise, a collection of songs by female songwriters, including Aimee Mann, Joan Armatrading, Fiona Apple, Roseanne Cash and Sinéad O’Connor. LaVette imbued each song with her own vibrant R&B stamp, earning rave after slobbery rave. Suddenly, after four and a half decades, Bettye LaVette had momentum—and a newly minted second Anti album Scene of the Crime, where she’s backed by the esteemed Drive-By Truckers.
What does she think about better late than never?

“I don’t know,” she ponders. “It was right for me because … I kept working; I was prepared for it, more or less. But if I had been working at a hospital or at Ford for all of these years, it [would’ve been] entirely too hard for me to do it at the level I’m doing it now. I think I would have been so resentful [that] when they called me at 60, I wouldn’t have come. So I don’t really know about that better late than never.”

LaVette does know how to keep working and take care of her gift (including regular yoga and vocal workouts) so she can do maintain both her old and new fan base. She also helps her peers in the current soul revival (Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings, the Budos Band, Ricky Fanté, Keite Young) trying to divert young ears from today’s pseudo-soul and R&B acts. “This is the very first time that people between 20 and 35 have been interested in the music from my period,” LaVette says, “The [younger listeners] only know Aretha Franklin and Wilson Pickett and whatever. They don’t know me.”

Local Warming

Glacial is (slowly) coming to get you.

Posted // August 6,2007 - Glacial drummer/Salt Lake City sound engineer Andy Patterson believes that basic human chemistry is one of the most vital components behind a band’s success and longevity—or its tumultuous, untimely demise.

“Sometimes, just one member is a little bit off, and that’s all it takes to completely ruin a band. It’s nobody’s fault, really,” he says. “But chemistry can change everything.”

After four years of line-up changes, the bond between Glacial’s current members has resulted in an increasingly slow, dark and deep sound. Their easy camaraderie helps add another dimension and electricity to both their live shows and studio cuts.

“I often find myself with a big grin on my face when we play live,” says guitarist Mike Morgan. “We’re in this band because we love to play music together—not for rock & roll fame and fortune. Although, that would be nice.”

Vocalist and guitarist Taylor Williams founded Glacial in 2003 with no specific rock format in mind. Williams simply wanted to play music, he says, but, due largely to the mercenary guitarist who played with the band at that time, Glacial’s first batch of songs was fairly light and pop-influenced.

“In the early days of Glacial, I practically could have danced around the stage with a headset,” he says, referring to the ridiculous gear worn by slick divas like Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake. “Our sound has become a lot heavier over time. Although, I did recently have some guy in a bar who was watching TV with the sound off tell me that our music is the perfect accompaniment to 1980s WrestleMania with Hulk Hogan.”

Initially, Williams recruited musicians that he had never met before they walked into his rehearsal space. “Playing music with total strangers is a completely different thing than playing with your friends,” he says. “I’m actually surprised this band is still around. I think the only reason Glacial still exists is because my friends began to join.”

Eventually, bassist and longtime friend Daryl McClaren teamed up with Williams. Once McClaren joined the band, his distinctive, metal-influenced bass lines began to provide Glacial with some notable sonic direction. Several drummers and a handful of guitarists named Mike (Patterson and Morgan) joined as well.

“In 2006, we had a really talented drummer named Andrew Smith who died of a heart attack because of a congenital heart defect while he was jogging. I didn’t really know him that well, but he was a nice guy,” Williams says. “I booked some studio time shortly before he died, so he appeared on one of our records. Nobody wanted to record, but I’m glad I insisted on it.”

McClaren says the recordings the band did with Smith sound especially dark and downtempo. Although it was difficult to keep making music after Smith’s death, the band persevered and built on the creative momentum that Smith helped foster.

Glacial is currently working on a new full length album in Patterson’s studio, a perk that the other members agree is an unparallel luxury.

“I jokingly asked Andy to be our drummer, and I couldn’t believe it when he said yes. We were all so happy,” Morgan says. “[He] was really the only drummer we wanted, but we knew how busy he was, so we didn’t think he would agree to play with us.”

Patterson’s studio is in great demand locally, plus he’s a self-proclaimed “band whore” who drums for multiple projects including White Hot Ferrari and Kick the Dog. “I work long hours, but luckily I have a wife who is patient. And nonviolent,” Patterson adds.

Williams recently decided to move to Denver but says that he predicts his decision will not put an end to Glacial: “We’ve made it this far. We may end up doing fewer live shows in Salt Lake City, but we’re so good at writing songs together that we can send each other stuff on the computer. Denver’s close. I can still come practice with the guys and record some songs.”

“I’m 31 years old and 125 pounds and I’ve been drafted into the Denver Broncos. I can’t miss this opportunity!”

Get Lost

Andrew Whiteman wanders away with Apostle of Hustle.

Andrew Whiteman doesn’t obsess over the idea of “tapping out,” but he’s certainly considered it. As lead guitarist of Toronto music collective Broken Social Scene (an expansive group of prolific young musicians whose other pursuits include Metric, Feist, Stars and various solo efforts) and founder of the Cuban-influenced Apostle of Hustle, he recognizes that sooner or later, his creative potential might taper off. He also knows this exhaustion could very easily drive him nuts.

Whiteman recently came across an interview with ’70s soul/funk artist and longtime recluse Sly Stone whose sudden fade from fame more than 20 years ago inspired speculation of drug use and mental illness—symptoms that also led to 13th Floor Elevators frontman Roky Erickson’s tragic breakdown, as chronicled in the new documentary You’re Gonna Miss Me. Such strange and heartbreaking examples are troubling to anyone, much less a career musician dealing with similar passions and pressures.

So yeah, Whiteman thinks about losing his grip. Today, however, he’s more worried about replacing his lost copy of Marjorie Perloff’s Poetics of Indeterminacy. Anxious, he explains it’s very difficult to find the American critic’s work in Canadian bookstores. There’s always Amazon.com, you think, but that’s beside the point. Whiteman’s reaction to the absence of Perloff informs his fascination with the architecture of language—how beautiful yet how frustrating it can be to compose proper poetry and lyrics.

“Music is so much easier. When you’re lucky they [lyrics and music] come at the same time, but that’s rare for me,” he says, adding that he tends to nerd out on literary criticism, partly to improve his craft but also to nourish a lifeline. “I’m one of those rare people who is a simply an appreciator. I don’t write for publishing. It’s just sort of where my heart is.”

Whiteman’s love of words is evidenced through online shout-outs to poet Frank O’ Hara, through the tribute to Federico Garcia Lorca on Hustle’s sophomore album National Anthem of Nowhere (“?Rafaga!”) and the pulsating, dance hall number inspired by a word game between Whiteman and Feist (“Haul Away”).

But while poetry and literary criticism factor heavily on Nowhere, Hustle owes more to Havana where, on a trip to visit his Cuban godmother “in the hood,” Whiteman encountered extraordinary poverty and a spirituality “unmediated by a lot of distractions.”

“Certainly, in a material sense, I’ve never been to a poorer place,” he says, adding that the environment encouraged him to abandon his comfort zone. “It’s good to leave your circumstances; to just go somewhere where you don’t have any reference points. Go to a border, a personal, financial, sexual border: What happens when you go there?”

For Whiteman, the answer arrived in the form of several unique characters whose strange tales thread their way through Nowhere, an album that unlike its predecessor, Folkloric Feel, brings language to the forefront. “The new one is definitely more cohesive, less psychedelic,” he says. “You can understand the vocals. On the first one, they are very submerged and underwater.”

Which isn’t to say Nowhere is completely grounded. Cool, but never slick, the album projects a sense of adventure partly attributed to Whiteman and Co. traveling to Montreal to record over a period of three weeks while drinking three to four bottles of wine a day. Whiteman felt “more in control and less in control at the same time,” inspiring compositions that shift from dense to light, murky to startling, contemplative to sensual. The effect is lush, layered and pulsating, evoking both a specific cultural history and the more oblique traditions that describe our world today, composed of not one but several origins and destinations. These anthems of everywhere and nowhere unfold over electronic drum beats, groovy organ and crisp percussion—handclaps, maracas, caja, conga, bongo. And while Whiteman claims to struggle with writing, his lyricism is as tough and magical as the music that flows so effortlessly:

“One day, an angel told me, ‘Your time here is fleeting’/ behind his back, a pistol, here comes a beating/ his suit, his silk flower/ but my razor is faster/ ‘Hey Carlos, you been drinkin’ Florida water,’” goes the story of “My Sword Hand’s Anger,” about a lady of perpetual squalor and her sad, sad loves.

What does it mean? You could apply a critical eye, read between the lines, slip into a daydream and pin down a different frame of mind. (You can always go back, you know.) Whiteman is always on the hunt for new experiences. Even his day job requires him to bounce between Broken Social Scene and Hustle and back again.

“Going from playing a 10-piece band to a trio—it’s taken four months or so to get used the space. What do you do with the space?” he says. “It’s very liberating.”

But couldn’t all that space and freedom become overwhelming? What causes the fire to burn out? Whiteman’s no sure, but he has a theory:

“Multiple personalities, maybe—but not multiple projects.”